Friday, August 31, 2007

Better odds in Vegas


I have to make a correction to an earlier post. But before I get to that, let me just say that I’m a gambling man. I like poker and I love craps. I play skins on golf holes. It reminds me that every shot counts.

When I lived in Vegas, I gambled. Not every night, but once in awhile. But living there is much different than being a tourist who flies in for a weekend for a big score. Those suckers will play anything, never knowing what they’re doing or their odds. They gravitate towards the slots because they’re attracted to the noise and blinking lights. I stuck to the tables, mostly shooting craps. People are intimidated by the dice. You know why? The casinos want them to be. Because the little known fact is that casinos lose most of their money on the craps table. It has the best odds payout.

You know what’s the worst thing to play in a casino, what helps build those high rise hotels and subsidizes the buffet and fancy hotels? The slots.

So here’s my correction, and my point (and sometimes I have one)…

Earlier in a post I said that 5,000 new scripts were registered with the WGA every year. The actual amount is 50,000. If each script was a person, they’d fill a stadium.

My confusion was that out of the 50,000, only 5,000 get optioned or purchased (leaving 45,000 unsold). And out of that 5,000 about 200 get made into movies. That’s about 4%.

So, here are the odds:

To get a script sold = 10 to 1

For a movie to be made from your script = 25 to 1

Why am I writing screenplays again?

Oh, right, because to get a play produced in a regional theatre has even worse odds and less money. That’s why. Because there are just as many playwrights out there competing for festivals where they won’t even make a dime, much less get royalties from a professional production.

The Chester Horn Festival received over 600 scripts from all over the world. For a short play festival. For no money. Only 12 made the cut. That’s 2 % of submissions.

So let’s break that down into the odds:

Short play getting produced for no money = 50 to 1

So although the theatre is my first love, I know the stats. I know which games to play at the casino and which to avoid. This doesn’t mean I won’t put a quarter into the slots now and then, but I sure won’t expect much payback.

But really, if you stopped to think about it, both games are crazy. Both involve risk. Risk means you will have losses. You just will, in gambling or in writing. If I went to law school or med school, I wouldn’t have to worry about job security.

But as the credo goes: “you gotta be in it to win”.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Strike Three!


Okay, so another rejection letter in the mail yesterday…this time from the Austin Film Festival Screenwriting Competition. Not a surprise, though, as the draft was pretty old.

But I’m not too sorrowful as I got this email today saying that the Chester Horn Play Festival is featured on the nytheatre podcast(featuring my play LOVE AND DEATH IN THE TIME OF CRAYOLA and runs in NYC Sept. 27-30).

Check out the podcast here:
http://www.nytheatrecast.com/blog1/

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Seeing v. Hearing

A comment has been bothering me for the last week. It was made by a screenwriter who wrote a play that a famous star saw and produced into a movie (this was years and years ago so don’t try to guess who it is).

This person said, and I’m paraphrasing here, that “plays are not as structured as movies”.

The screenwriter also said that most plays don’t become good movies, which I have to agree with as a generality (did they have to make Closer and Proof so palatable?). However, I do think there are some really great plays that became very famous and well-known movies (I wonder how many people know that Casablanca was actually written as a stage-play when the studio bought the rights?). Some good examples of those writing for both stage and screen are David Mamet, Craig Lucas, John Patrick Shanley, Tony Kushner, Neena Beber, William Mastrosimone, Theresa Rebeck and Kenneth Lonergan.

But that’s a whole other blog topic.

And by the way, this screenwriter is not one of those people…

My real beef is this person seems to believe that the majority of the work in screenwriting is developing the story, creating a tightly-woven plot with fully developed characters and subplots woven in, whereas the majority of work in playwriting is just…dialogue. Or something. Evidently plays are not thought-out stories…Actually, I’m not really quite sure what this writer means by saying that screenplays are more structured.

Because here’s the point…no matter the medium, they are both stories told in dramatic form. Now, obviously they are completely different mediums…like the difference between painting and sculpture.

My initial “a-hole” response to the comment was “Wow, you must write some really bad plays…”

Because years ago when I first started writing plays I used to think plays weren’t structured much. I’d hear characters say lines of dialogue and off I went, wherever the story took me.

Those plays were bad.

(Not that I’m sorry to have written them because its nice to get all that bad stuff out of the way and then recognize it when it tries to infiltrate my work again.)

I don’t write plays like that anymore and I’m pretty sure that Edward Albee, Tony Kushner, and David Mamet do not, as well.

Bad playwrights write like that. But guess what, so do bad screenwriters.

Good playwrights work the story out, sometimes in their heads (or so says master Albee) and sometimes in outline form. Sometimes its just notes on a napkin. But playwrights, good playwrights, are master storytellers. Just like good screenwriters.

What I think this screenwriter might’ve been trying to articulate (and what the hell I’ll just speak for this moron), is that plays and movies are different because one is HEARD and the other is SEEN.

Maybe not as much anymore, but theatre (I use the French spelling on purpose because I have a master’s degree and they’ll take it away if I don’t…seriously...)…theatre began as an oral (aural) tradition and has remained so from the Greeks through the time of Shakespeare up to today. We go to the theatre to hear words coming out of live actors. This does not mean that spectacle doesn’t happen (who can ever forget the chandelier in Phantom?) but it means that we listen much more closely then we realize. Master playwrights use brilliant dialogue to convey the story, rife with its emotions and baggage. Pinter and Beckett can do more with two words than most playwrights can do with two thousand.

Movies, on the other hand, are visual. That’s why they’re called MOVING PICTURES. The story is told in pictures. The actors are nice to look at (how many ugly stars can you name?). The sets and background are detailed and the more exotic locale, the better. The important thing to remember, though, is that dialogue is completely unnecessary. It’s nice to have some good lines here and there, but you don’t need it to tell the story on film. Some of the best movie moments are visual. That’s the design of the medium. Seriously, read the script for Titanic—a movie that blew away the box office and won an Oscar. It contains some of the most atrocious lines ever. But the visuals…can’t be beat.

That doesn’t mean all movies have crappy dialogue. Woody Allen mastered the art of mixing neurotic witticisms against beautiful Manhattan backdrops. Most romantic comedies have a mixture of funny lines and funny physical bits (with very good-looking people).

So this is why a Shakespearean actor can proclaim on a bare stage: “Welcome to the forest of Arden” and BAM! The audience is instantly transported.

To do that in a movie, you need a real forest. You need to film it in Yosemite and you better have a great cinematographer to convey the type of trees the audience sees.

But it doesn’t matter what forest you’re in…You need a good story. And a good story is well-structured. That’s what makes it a good story.

Every great play is carefully constructed (some more so than most screenplays, I would say.) If you doubt that, take a closer look at Ibsen and Chekhov and Shakespeare, just to start. Then read some Shaw. Then read some modern plays like American Buffalo or Lobby Hero.

One of my favorite plays, Waiting for Godot, is a structural jewel. You won’t see it at first glance, but its there. Some critics have said nothing happens, but look closer and you’ll see a chain of events, an inevitable sequence leading to a justifiable conclusion.

It wouldn’t make a great movie, though, let’s face it. And I’ve seen some try.

Two guys waiting on a road...talking a lot…nah…put in Titanic again…

Monday, August 27, 2007

Feeling a little clammy today...

It's Monday and my day job is busy so I have NO THOUGHTS on writing, but luckily I still peruse the internet (whoever surfs nowadays) and found a little jewel of advice from someone else's screenwriting site. This is not stealing. It's borrowing. It's from The Artful Writer, by way of Jane Espenson and he talks about writing those bad cliche one-liners in comedies...you know them...you've heard them before and will see them again and again.

They're called clams.

By the way, I realize I have two of them in my latest draft of my screenplay (DOH!). I've got to fix that...


Anyway, anyone who writes comedy for a living has written a clam, but we all recognize that they’re awful, and so when we’re together in a room, we’re supposed to keep ourselves from using them. In my room, we usually call them “badump bumps,” but I think Jane’s got a better, clammier term.

Here’s a short list I came up with, as well as some additions from friends. Feel free to use the comments section to add your own. As for definitions, I’m pretty lenient. It could be a single line of dialogue, or it could be a setup and payoff.

Maybe if we shine enough light on these things, we can eliminate them from the world.

The Inside Voice: “I’m sorry…did I say that out loud?”

The Freudian Slip: “Hey, Carol, I see you’re wearing some new boobs…I mean boots!”

The “Mr.” Insult: “Oooh, check you out. Mr. Big Man! Mr. Crazy hat-wearing guy!”

The Nutty List: “All I know is I want to eat a steak, get laid, and play some golf…not necessarily in that order.”

Dante’s Clam:
“This is the date from hell!”

Albert Hoffman’s Clam: “This is like Ice Capades on acid.”

The Apollo 13:
“Houston, we have a problem.”

The Ignored: (as the character is being talked about) “I’m standing right here…”

The Fork-Dropper: “Check please!”

The Optimist: “Well, I thought that went pretty well…”

The Invisible Puke: “I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”

The Dismissive Segue: “Anyway….” (typically after another character goes off on a long, complicated rant)

The Factory: This is a visual one. Someone gets hurt in a factory, and a worker flips the “Days Since An Accident” sign back to 0.

The Upward-Looking Rejoice: “Thank you, God!”

The Circulation: “I can’t feel my legs!”

The Contradiction: in response to a question like “Where were you last night?”, two guys say something like “At the office!”/”Playing golf!”

Someone Called: any form of “Patti LaBelle called. She wants her hairstyle back.”

The Stealthy Insultee: “He’s such a fat, stupid, idiotic—he’s right behind me, isn’t he?”

Excited Confusion: “Mom, Jared Leto is visiting my school tomorrow!” “Oh my God, honey, that is fantastic news!…….Who’s Jared Leto?”

The Translation: “Isn’t my dress great?” “Yes, if by ‘great’ you mean ‘nauseating’.”

The Countdown: “I’m leaving now, and I’m NEVER COMING BACK AGAIN!” The character exits, and a remaining character says “And 5, 4, 3, 2…” At which point the first character re-enters.

The Calculator: “You do the math.”

The Jerry Maguire: “You had me at Idiot” or “You had me at rectal thermometer” or some “comedic” version of “You had me at hello.”

The Thesaurus: “The meteor disintegrated!” “Yeah, and it blew up into a million pieces too!”

The Grocery Store: “Clean up on aisle 3!”

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Sunshine at last!


Hurray! Hoorah!

The sun is back out to play!

Forecast is 76 and partly cloudy (which is about as sunny as it gets here, really).

This picture was not taken today but you get the idea.

In other exciting news...Lisa and I are seeing a play tonight, a devised piece over in Ballard. More to come...

Cheers!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

If I were a book, I'd be...




You're Love in the Time of Cholera!

by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Like Odysseus in a work of Homer, you demonstrate undying loyalty by
sleeping with as many people as you possibly can. But in your heart you never give
consent! This creates a strange quandary of what love really means to you. On the
one hand, you've loved the same person your whole life, but on the other, your actions
barely speak to this fact. Whatever you do, stick to bottled water. The other stuff
could get you killed.



Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

What Light


If you feel like singing a song
And you want other people to sing along
Then just sing what you feel
Don’t let anyone say it’s wrong


Those lyrics are from WILCO’s song “What Light”, one of the many songs they did as an encore, including some of my favs off the Mermaid Avenue albums, like “California Stars” and “Airline to Heaven”. The Seattle crowd is very alt-country so they definitely catered to that crowd (as opposed to the Irving Plaza show in NYC we saw them at—very different vibe).

All in all, the concert was a blast. We got there super early thanks to no traffic on the 520, but we had a nice little Subway sandwich in our beach chairs, under a partly cloudy sky blue sky, had some beers, hung out, and people watched. I found it fun to count the beards (What is it with northwest guys and beards? All I saw was beards and plaid shirts everywhere…).

They opened with “Sunken Treasure” and then played a lot of songs off the new album, as well as off Ghost and YHF. And although the couple behind us screamed like wookies for “Heavy Metal Drummer” (the pregnant lady can really belt high-pitched shrieks, I tell ya), they never played it…but ended with a rocking version of “Kidsmoke”.

I realized another sign that I’m getting old. In high school concerts were IT. They were the event. You waited for it for months, told friends about going, or how you couldn’t get tickets (or your mom wouldn’t drive you), and then you finally get to the concert and its this excuse to get drunk and stoned and have the best time of your life.

Well, I’m not a teen-ager anymore…so we sat on the grassy hill a little ways from the stage, drank only a few beers, and enjoyed it like civilized adults. It was good to know we weren’t alone, though. And there were even some college kids and high schoolers sitting down right nearby. Smoking pot, of course. But still…

And then I had a sobering thought related to screenwriting…the WGA usually registers an average of 5,000 new scripts every year.

5,000.

That’s how many people were at the concert last night. If you’ve never imagined the amount of people your work is competing against before, just try to picture 5,000 people at a concert. Imagine each one wrote a screenplay (and I’m sure at least 100 of them have, or have tried). It makes you want to make sure your script is really good in order to stick out.

Because out of those 5,000 scripts, only about 10% get bought or optioned and then only 5% get produced. Actually, those estimates are probably high. Must be the optimist in me.

Forecast is partly cloudy today. Again. I think I saw the sun peek through the clouds so there’s some hope there.

And remember:

If you’re trying to paint a picture
But you’re not sure what colors belong
Just paint what you see
Don’t let anyone say it’s wrong